Our relationships play such a fundamental role in our lives. We see ourselves through our relationships. Hence the saying I am because we are. However it is valuable to reflect that the mirror we provide for each other many a times is distorted by our own desires, expectations, perceptions and experiences. It is therefore that we have all experienced that it is through our relationships we experience our joys and our deepest sorrows.
How can we love without taking sorrow from each other? This question asked of us to reflect on what we mean by love. Many times we see our relationships as an extension of our own identity. Be it spouse, parent or child. When we view our relationships in this way it inevitably results in expectations of each other. If my child does well at school I feel happy – why? Because MY child did very well. In that moment we are taking joy from how we feel we are being perceived – if my child does well that means I am a good parent. Yes of course your support, care and nurturing has contributed to your child’s success however we forget that its your child’s journey and not yours. This is not love because it is conditional. When things change then the feeling of appreciation, joy affection diminishes. Love is not conditional, love is constant. I don’t stop nurturing, caring and supporting … I am consistent because I love.
Secondly what we call love is attraction. Your features, your status, talents or even your personality I find attractive. This explains why we have such a profitable cosmetic fashion industry. However when we get to know each other better we realise that what I perceived as attractive is not living up to my expectations. Hence we find that today people fall in love very quickly and also fall out of love as quickly. Because what we calling love is to what extend is the other living up to my expectations.
So what is love? Love is connection with the being rather than the body, love is discovering rather assuming what the other is, love is growing through an exchange of unconditional giving and receiving rather than expecting. love is drawing out the best in each other rather than pleasing each other. We can only love in this way when we see ourselves and the other beyond the veil of the body. Our true identity is that we are consciousness. Consciousness is not limited by form. Innately the energy of consciousness is love. When we understand this we realise that love is the pure expression of the self – I don’t love because of, I just love. When I come from consciousness I don’t need a reason to love – I love because that is my true nature. With this approach, love stops being conditional, pleasing or temporary. It means I strive to be as authentic as I can be in all my relationships. Through my authenticity, integrity and benevolent nature I am being love and you will experience that pure energy of my being. This will draw from you a response that is authentic and benevolent and so a beautiful pure exchange of energy is created which brings joy, understanding and contentment through the relationship.
This is an ideal state that we can easily brush off as impossible, but unless we learn to express love from our deeper awareness we will continue to be trapped in the cycle of joy and sorrow.